Read these tips on seducing women if you’d like to be pegged as That Guy and doomed to a life of second class “relationships.”

Did that get your attention? Good, I’m about to save your hiney. I was perusing a little Net Drudgery today and due to some unforeseen power of Zeus came upon this delightful post on How to Make Women Laugh (I’m linking to it out of courtesy, because WOW, WHAT A PIECE OF UNREPENTED GARBAGE). After seeking more “advice” I was treated with this gem on Typical Mistakes Men Make at Clubs. Derek Vitalio, is there no filter between your head and mouth (or pen)? It takes a special man to dedicate that much energy towards offering overly simplistic solutions to an extremely trite topic. I can only hope you volunteer somewhere sweet on a very regular basis.

In any case, let me address his prose on dialoguing with women first, then I’ll address this protocol for living the dream at the club.

He apparently gets grilled quite often by dudes asking him how to be funny. Fine. A great philosophical question. But, the fact that he attempts to provide a serious answer should send up an enormous, extremely bright colored flag with fireworks in the background that the answer you’re about to waste precious moments of your life reading is… not worth it. Really. Not. Worth it.

Within the gaping astral blackness of that piece though, there happens to be a tiny nugget of wisdom which, bless your soul if you did in fact read it, you should take away. I’ll save you some time, it’s right here:

“The trick to being funny is forget “funny” and just be playful. If you’re playful, a girl will laugh. And the reason girls want to laugh is because they want to feel easy COMFORT around you.” (Source, in case you forgot)

In this statement are two key ideas, one which stems from the other. Derek fails to explain this derivation . Idea One: Girls want feel comfort. Idea Two: Girls want to laugh. Why do girls want to laugh? Because laughing means they are feeling comfortable; it is a signal. The more laughing, the more comfort, I’m led to believe. Are you with me?

No comfort –> No laughing
Comfort –> Laughing

Thus, Comfort is the ever elusive goal we’re going after here, not laughter. Solve the Root Challenge and you actually get somewhere. Girls want to feel comfort. (I can only assume so, given my chromosomes, but I think that is a safe assessment of reality.) Your “takeaway” here should be that going after the Funny Guy label and those grand slam jokes are not the bridges to worthwhile relationships. Seeking to understand her, asking her questions, interest in more than what lies just beneath the cusp of her polo collar; these are things that will get you places and things, maybe even a girlfriend.

If in fact you aren’t interested in any of that, and instead enjoy here-today gone-tomorrow type gigs, I recommend the Rands Vegas System as a starter.

But hey, don’t take it from me. Take it from Derek. He sells books and writes articles to promote said books. I just write a weblog.