How to Break a Bad Habit - a Step by Step Guide
November 15th, 2007Use this technique to begin ditching your bad habits.
…and start building GOOD ones (yes, it’s possible).
Do you smoke, but wish you didn’t? Does it seem impossible, no matter how hard you try, to keep your desk or office lean and clean? Or do you wish you read for 30 minutes a day to learn new gardening techniques?
Habits, good or bad, are a major part of our life. Think about it, how many actions or activities do you repeat day in and day out? If you can’t think of any, observe yourself today and note which tasks you do daily without a second thought.
The beauty and the curse of habits is they’re so thoughtless. But wait! There is usually something that inspires each habit occurring; a meal inspires a cigarette, getting home from work inspires 2 hours in front of the TV, or a meeting means you need a Coke.
Introduce yourself to The Trigger. The Trigger is the specific event, feeling, or activity - the meal, arrival home, or meeting - that triggers a desire in you - the cigarette, TV, or coke. The first key to breaking a bad habit is understanding what triggers it. Once you know that, you may be able to remove your bad habit by removing the trigger. Only smoke cigarettes when you’ve had a few too many beers? Limit your intoxication by only bringing cash when you socialize and limiting the quantity you bring. No money = no more beers. But don’t forget the taxi!
Some triggers can’t be removed from daily life. Fact of life. And these bad habits generally bring some sort of pleasure, albeit usually a short-term pleasure. So, your next step is figuring out how you’re going to fill the void left by this habit-removal. Now we’re starting to understand…
… The Substitute. The Substitute is what replaces your habit in bringing you pleasure. Want to quit taking that Coke to the meeting? Take a smoothie or fruit juice instead. Always need a coffee in the morning? Try replacing it with tea. Although you must be extremely careful with this, you could try a multi-step substitute replacement using progressively better (or less bad) substitutes. This method highlights the fact that, regardless of the 1-step or multi-step, you…
… need A Game Plan. Your Game Plan is your schedule for habit-removal. Set up checkpoints, 30, 90, and 365 day checkpoints seem good (you didn’t think you could get by with no record keeping, did you?). Use these check-points to assess how successful you’ve been. If at Day 30 you’re kicking that poor habit, feel good! Give yourself a reward. If you haven’t improved much, assess why it is. Did you properly identify The Trigger? Or maybe you don’t have…
… High Stakes. Having High Stakes means you get a meaningful reward or a punishment for success or failure. For example, let’s say your goal is to work out 4 times per week (here’s how to do it). Before starting, give a trustworthy friend $50 to hold onto. If you succeed to you get to use that for a professional massage. If not, they get to keep it (be clear about this and make sure they agree to it). The Stakes are high and in this case could get expensive, so you…
… might as well Maintain Focus. Keep it to one new habit per 30 days. Here’s why. One per month means that in one year, you could stop (start) these bad (good) habits:
- Smoking
- Drinking 4 Diet Cokes per day
- Maintain a lean and clean inbox
- Work out 4 times per week
- Read 30 minutes per day
- Stop watching TV completely
- Stop picking your nails
- Keep the litter box clean for your feline friend by cleaning it daily
- Meditate daily
- Eat breakfast every day
- Keep your kitchen clean by scrubbing it down each month
- Stop eating those brownies after every dinner
Not a bad list, eh? I’d call that a pretty good year.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Hi,
The topic of this article is fantastic but it is written poorly and it is not useful for most of the bad habits since most of the habits can’t be removed from daily life. I spent several years within this topic and I know what I’m talking about.
If you want to add some value don’t write such a poor article.
MAN you don’t solve the main problan!!!
Hope your next article is going to be better.
Cheers,
Krisztián
November 20th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
I liked your article!
I know that it is hard to quit ANY habit, I’ve been smocking for years, tried to quit in three different times with out being able to pass the third month. But I’m going to use your sugestions and keep trying. Saddly for the guy that says that you do not solve the main problem, it has not sink yet…..it is all about self-discipline! not a miracle pill or word, even if the word comes from O’pra!
Keep up the good work!
Juan
November 20th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I would like to stop smoking I don´t enjoy it any more but I am still at it.
November 20th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
I am so excited to read this info. on habit control. I need to lose 5 lbs. My habit is eating while watching TV. So if I am watching for 4 hours, I am snacking on something for 4 hours.
Starting today I will not watch TV while eating. I will eat in the kitchen where I belong!
I will sip Tea white watching. I am thrilled at the knowledge that I will finally be in control of my over eating!
November 20th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
I’m an RN with a holistic healthcare practice, and your points are preceisely the ones I use to help my clients evolve their wellness and longevity. The most important linkage is the trigger/substitute, and moral support in the game plan. For every trigger, I ask clients to identify TWO positive substitutes, and strategize how to put them in place. It’s also important to have positive support in place, from people who believe in them and their aspirations as part of the “game plan”. An example would be using an enjoyable herbal tea and sparkling water as ready substitutes for sodas. Best wishes to all.
November 20th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Hello for all of you who want to stop smolking - I DID IT -was a 2-pack a day smoker for over 30 years.
How I did it? Too long to explain in detail - I would be willing to help you with coaching - it is much easier that way!
If intersted you can get in touch with me at info@trueselfbeing.com .
However, I can recommend something right away -ALLEN CARR’s book - EASY WAY TO STOP SMOKING was very helpful for me - among many other things. Take heart - IT CAN BE DONE!!
Good luck
sybilla
November 20th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Sure, breaking habits is a tough thing – especially if you try it the cognitive way.
Habits are the brain in automatic mode. And that is MUCH faster than our conscious mind. I learned that the brain can prepare (and usually also begin or execute) those things (put food in your mouth, take the cigaret) in 0.35 seconds while our mind needs 0.55 seconds to become aware of anything.
And all of you may all have made the experience that telling yourself to stop (smoking, snacking etc.) usually does not help.
Some of the techniques mentioned above involve your emotions and that will make them more successful than many others. So, thanks for bringing up things like that!
Even more help can be found in Energy Psychology (EP). A field of knowledge that has been gaining momentum and recognition for some years now. Just like acupuncture these methods are based on the idea of a human energysystem that can be influenced. So this goes much deeper than any cognitive approach and it can adress the emotional issues that are almost always connected to such problems.
Solutions with EP are often quite fast and easy, bypassing the hard way of willpower or self-discipline.
You could have a look at EmoTrance (emotional transformation), my favorite, at http://www. emotrance.com or at EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) at http://www.emofree.com
I wish you all the best and lots of success.
Bye from Germany
Detlev
November 21st, 2007 at 12:03 am
Right. habits are at the very core of our behavior. And interestingly, they’re all based on the past, so might NOT be serving us today. If you’d like to learn how habits work in the brain (easy to understand and exciting), I invite you to come read a free chapter of my latest book (”Zap Your Life: Feel the Power” at no cost to you, of course. You will find it here: http://www.zapyourlife.com
Enjoy,
Dr Jill
November 21st, 2007 at 5:30 am
I love this post. Well meaning and informative. Stumbling on things like this all makes me believe that it’s possible to better myself on the day that I decide to try. However….
The part about smoking being a “habit”. I have to take issue here because it’s not a habit but more an incessant, malignant, highly addictive, and almost completely impossible substance to break free of - and having it described as a “habit” just doesn’t do justice to the overall crumminess of this problem.
Overall though, nice job on the post and I will try and take some of this advice! Cheers
November 21st, 2007 at 7:51 pm
For the smokers who have posted here, you might be interested in the nicotine link at http://poison.bioenergeticspectrum.com where it says, “If not for the presence of nicotine in tobacco, there would be absolutely no compulsive motivation to draw this disgusting vapour into the lungs…” and that nicotine is equivalent to a light heroin addiction.
But this knowledge is nothing. Without the technique for quitting the bad and eliminating the good, all the knowledge in the world can’t change a bad habit.
Perhaps, we need a general perspective of habits that cause instant gratification. That’s what it is - isn’t it? Instant Gratification: We drag on that death stick for instant relaxation. We knock back the caffeinated liquids for an instant high. We overeat and isolate ourselves in front of the boob tube for instant love and insulation. What’s worse? All of this is culturally induced; we learned to do all of this through social interaction.
When’s the last time your smoking or drinking buddy proded you with, “EH! Let’s go out for a jog to the vitamin store! Then let’s go for a salad!” When’s the last time that happened? I’m willing to bet NEVER.
I like Detlev’s idea for using energy psychology. Not only because of it’s success rate; it also provides instant gratification when that bloody awful social trigger comes knocking at your doorstep again. It’s like shocking the monkey: You shocked the monkey into dancing back and forth inside his cage. Now, you’ve got to shock the monkey back into his healthy habits.
You want to replace bad instant gratification with good instant gratification. Judging from all the case histories and testimonials, the energy psychology known as emotional freedom techniques actually works. I talk about how it works at my site and my blog at http://bioresonantscience.blogspot.com.
Of course, people with bad habits also experience nutritional problems. Caffeine addicts need vitamin B complexes for instant energy. Nicotine addicts need natural relaxation hormones in their system like melatonin. (Fat people need more love and less MSG in their diets.)
November 21st, 2007 at 8:00 pm
I meant to say enhance the good - not “eliminate” it.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:10 pm
I think that this is a very pragmatic and useful article and in no way badly written: what was the point of someone criticising the style of the article anyway? If you want style read other sources, but the content and advice is very good.
And what’s more it actually works-I used a similar set of steps to quit - painlessly - a ten-year smoking and drinking habit.
Anyone who scoffs at the advice should realise that we have a lot of reasons why some or other habits are bad but ways to break them are sorely in need. For instance, ‘just do it’ or don’t think about it. Anything that enables one to reach these techniques that are almost inaccessible solutions to most people, would be denying others a chance to try to stop smoking or whatever. And more often than not it is by following other’s techniques that one finds one’s own way. Since there is nothing malignant in the article, I would say ‘ go for it’
Andy
November 21st, 2007 at 10:13 pm
This is a great article. Another name for the trigger is ritual. You progress up to a certain point until you achieve your desired outcome. If you let the ritual begin more than likely you will not stop in the middle. Attack the triggers and the rituals in the beginning and substitute them for more desirable outcomes. Great topic.
November 21st, 2007 at 11:52 pm
It is evident that the article was written hastily. The author(s) did not take his time, i.e. slowly writing and editing the work. I doubt he felt ‘relax’ when writing it. It’s so ironic. (teaching people to reach alpha level by relaxing …)
November 22nd, 2007 at 3:24 am
Hi Detlev,of Germany: Thank you so much for the web site about EFT. I have been using the ‘tapping’ method for healing and sugar addiction for about 18 months. I cured wrist tendonitis,
knee pain and heel pain I had for over 3 years. I loved the web site you mentioned since it told
how and why the process works. Before I only learned the tapping but didn’t know the background.
That web site informed me of even more info. The tapping also cured my fear of spiders the
very first ‘go around.’ I was sugar free for 6 months until I gave myself permission to
eat sugar over last Xmas. I need to work on sugar again. But it does work. Thanks, Cari
November 22nd, 2007 at 4:03 am
Poor,
I actually felt pretty good before, during, and after writing it. I can tell you that researching and thinking about this topic has greatly helped me approach my own habits. I would also challenge that habits can’t be removed from daily life. If you understand the “why” part of the habit - why it has become a habit - I think you can make some good headway. Combine that with trigger and substitute knowledge (and moral support as Gabrielle said), and you’ll be on a good track.
Thanks for the comments everyone. It seems this is a topic people are really interested in so we’ll try to write about it some more!
November 22nd, 2007 at 6:06 am
I liked this a lot. I was an LDS missionary in south Carolina for two years, and we used this same pattern to help people quit smoking (but we adapted to help people quit drinking, looking at pornography, etc), and it is amazing how well it worked. Just FYI, if you’re trying to quit smoking, turn the trigger off by gargling cinnamon mouthwash or drinking grapefruit juice. The strong flavors turn off the bell in your head that makes you want to smoke. Anyway, we always told the people we were helping that the choice had to be theirs, and had to be something important for them if they wanted it to work. Just some thoughts that may help!
November 23rd, 2007 at 11:03 am
Bad habits such as addictions to smoking, sugar, caffeine (and others) can be easily addressed with the EFT technique. Go to this website : http://www.emofree.com , download the free material (translated into 15 languages) and start working. The ideas given in this article are very useful also, especially to build new habits. EFT means “Emotional Freedom Techniques”. It was invented 15 years ago in the USA and has been slowly conquering the world by word of mouth only. Give it a try. It is very simple, it works with the principles of acupuncture, except with fingers and no needles. You use it to work on any emotional problem, but on physical problems too. The website contains a thorough tutorial and hundreds of case stories sent by EFT therapists and lay people using EFT by themselves, from all over the world. Use it on everything, from golf scores to 20 years of migraine headache to your young child’s tantrum to grief or fear of public speaking… Yes, and also for not being able to apply self-discipline and will to your daily life. If a given technique does not work for you, try another.
November 24th, 2007 at 8:21 am
Thanks for a practical article. We are creatures of habit and unfortunately not all of them are healthy and server us well. Knowing how to break a habit and actually applying that knowledge is priceless. I have taught to others and myself the science behind breaking a habit and also REPLACING it with another one. It is possible once you make the decision.
November 24th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Thanks for a practical article. We are creatures of habit and unfortunately not all of them are healthy and server us well. Knowing how to break a habit and actually applying that knowledge is priceless. I have taught to others and myself the science behind breaking a habit and also REPLACING it with another one. It is possible once you make the decision.
Nik D’Angelo
http://www.NikDangelo.com
November 27th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
This was a good article. When you want to change something you need to really to put effort into what you are trying to change. Any good techniques for change will only work if you have the right attitude, i.e. it will happen, it can’t fail, I will not fail. A poor workman always blames the tools when things go wrong. Good workmen keep going no matter what until they succeed and do a good job.
There is no such word as cant Krisztian! The life you want is down to you.
Much love to all.
December 12th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
I like this article, but in response to the first commenter - different things work for different people. Sometimes techniques like these don’t work, and will require something else. Doesn’t mean all people won’t benefit from it, though.
Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.
December 18th, 2007 at 7:21 am
[…] mentally "end" the task, so it doesn’t occupy your mind later on. I’m in the habit now, so I don’t think about the calls for the rest of the […]
February 19th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
This is how I stopped smoking. Each time I saw a fag, I imagined it as a piece of dog-shit, and so definitely I won’t put it in my mouth.
This is how I avoid joining others in visiting brothel, for I visualized brothel as coffin shop and prostitute as a walking coffin.
This how I avoid spending alot of money on international travelling, I watch Astro. Anyway everywhere the people also the same, working, eating, walking, sleeping and other usual chores we did.